Epic Rap Battles Of History: Episode 37
by KJMusical
Summary: This is my thirty seventh episode of Epic Rap Battles Of History: KJMusical Edition. This is Courage The Cowardly Dog Vs. Salad Fingers. R&R! Don't like? Don't read!


**Author's Note: This is my thirty seventh episode of Epic Rap Battles Of History. This episode, Courage The Cowardly Dog Vs. Salad Fingers. I don't own the characters in the rap battle or the ERBOH series themselves.**

* * *

(In the Middle Of Nowhere, a small house is shown against a purple evening sky with an orange glow from the setting sun. Inside, Courage is shown asleep on Muriel's lap whilst Eustace is shown reading the newspaper as usual.)

(Muriel)

"It's certainly a nice evening today, isn't it Eustace?"

(Eustace)

"As long as it doesn't rain later tonight."

(After a pause, a loud screech can be heard as a bright cyan flash is seen. Courage jumps off Muriel's lap in fear.)

(Muriel)

"Oh! What's with all the ruckus outside?"

(Eustace looks unfazed as Muriel stands up and opens the door. At first, she's sees no one, but then notices a tall, green man wearing a dark green shirt and dark trousers. 'Beware Of The Friendly Stranger' (the background music of the Salad Fingers episodes) begins to play as part of the Middle Of Nowhere begins to morph into the wasteland seen in Salad Fingers episodes whilst the cyan portal slowly disappears. The figure stands in silence for a few minutes.)

"Can I help you sir?"

(As the figure speaks, what he says appears out of thin air around him.)

(Figure)

"Hello. I've come to this universe using the flashy portal to talk to a 'Courage'."

(Courage walks out upon hearing his name along with Eustace.)

(Eustace)

"Who's there? Another salesman?"

(The figure holds out a little note.)

(Figure)

"I believe this will shed some light on this situation."

(Courage takes it and looks at it. It's a red ticket with the names 'Courage' & 'Salad Fingers' written on them. He then runs back inside and comes back with another copy. Salad Fingers smiles warmly at Courage.)

"Some sort of rhyming competition I suppose."

(Courage looks fearful as he slowly steps out of the house as a beat starts up and 'Beware Of The Friendly Stranger' fades out. Muriel closes the door behind him.)

* * *

Beat: **Dark Piano Underground Rap Beat****(/watch?v=afROQiyqS-A)**

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Epic Rap Battles Of History!

(Courage stops a few feet from Salad Fingers and the two stare each other down.)

Courage The Cowardly Dog…..

(Courage shaking in fear whilst Salad Fingers stands stern and assertive.)

Vs.

(Salad Fingers holds up Jeremy Fisher on his finger.)

(Salad Fingers)

"Let's see what we can do against this animal, Mr. Fisher."

(Salad Fingers moves his finger to make Jeremy 'nod' before eating the puppet.)

Salad Fingers!

Begin!

(Courage)

Oooooh...

The things I do for love, rapping against a guy like you,  
Though I have faced bigger creeps with nastier things to do.  
You say you were once normal? Are you really that dim?  
You're like if Mr. Rogers had a kid with Invader Zim.  
All you do is creep our your viewers and screw with their minds.  
In quality entertainment, I'm far ahead, you're way behind.  
Alright, your turn. But I think your chances here are bleak.  
You probably just fell apart after hearing me speak!

(Salad Fingers looks afraid at first, but regains his assertive attitude. Courage, now found confidence, smiles, awaiting Salad Fingers' response.)

(Salad Fingers)

I don't think it's worth my time rapping against a dog,  
Who honestly looks a lot more like a purple frog.  
I think someone should seriously send this schizophrenic  
Excuse for a animal to any given doggy mental health clinic.  
What's with your teeth? Have you no dental hygiene?  
Actually forget that! I'm a green, mean rapping machine!  
Don't even get me started on Muriel and Eustace!  
In the show, the only thing they're good at is being useless!

(Courage)

Leave Muriel out of this! She's just a sweet old miller!  
And Eustace may be a jerk, but he's no child killer!  
We've seen you kill three people, but let's sing a new tune:  
While I fight for my life, you just play with rusty spoons.  
No one likes you 'cause you're ugly, delusional, and tall.  
You'll die alone with no friends, 'cause all you have are paper dolls!  
Your show must have been done by a pot,  
Or my name isn't Tim Burton... and it's not!

You seriously think you'll win this battle? You're flat out wrong!  
Lastly, your legs are made of cotton and they're far too long.

(The beat stops as Salad Fingers starts to look hurt after this verse. His lips begin to quiver. He then turns around, falls into a sitting position and starts crying into his hands. Courage is shown starting to regret what he said. He then begins to walk forward.)

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you like that. Look, really. I'm sorry."

(Courage places a paw on Salad Finger's shoulder, who, in response, looks back at Courage.)

(Salad Finger)

"Are-are you being….?"

(He sniffs before continuing.)

"Serious about your apology?"

(Courage nods and Salad Fingers smiles. Courage then turns back to face the reader.)

(Courage)

(Quietly) "Although, coming from a child killer in a messed up dimension, these insults shouldn't really be a surprise to him."

(Upon hearing 'Child killer', Salad Fingers looks back. After Courage finishes speaking, he stands up enraged. Courage notices this and looks fearful again.)

"I take it that you heard that."

(Salad Fingers)

"You purple furry SON OF A-!"

(Hubert Jason Cumberdale suddenly appears, screaming at Courage and effectively censoring Salad Fingers. Upon seeing him, Courage lets out his trademark scream and falls back, backing away as Salad Fingers slowly and angrily advances on him as the beat starts back up.)

Your name is Courage huh? Well, isn't that ironic?

You're a piece of forgotten TV, on YouTube I'm iconic!

Quit spluttering gibberish at humans, you dunce!

Can't you just speak proper English for once?

I don't understand why creatures waste their time coming to this valley.

If Muriel was smart, she would have left you in that alley!

2002, your popularity went flying straight off the grid!

Now I'll have your confidence & fur cut off like Freaky Fred did!

Your show's reputation is about as rotten as a fallen log,

Now I can see why Eustace always calls you a stupid dog!

(Salad Fingers raises his arm during the last two lines as if he's going to slap Courage. Upon completing the last two rhymes, he swings his arm down as Courage braises for impact. However, when Salad Finger's hand hits Courage, the latter disappears in a cloud of dust. The Middle Of Nowhere also disappears into the landscape Salad Fingers usually resides in. The music from before ('Beware Of The Friendly Stranger') starts playing again as Salad Fingers looks around. He raises his arms in frustration before walking off screen.)

* * *

Who Won?

Who's Next?

You Decide!

* * *

**Cast:  
**

**Courage: Villain84**

**Salad Fingers: KJMusical**


End file.
